George Carlin When Will Jesus Bring The Porkchops

Amazon.com: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?: 8601234610496: Carlin, George: Books

Following closely on the heels of George Carlin’s1 Best-selling author in the New York Times The films Napalm, Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? are all imbued with Carlin’s typical caustic humor and stinging cultural insights, and they are all directed by Carlin. We’re back at it again. With When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, George Carlin gives his cutting-edge ideas and observational comedy on everything from deceptive euphemism language to politicians, the media, and even dead people in his funny book.

Despite the present atmosphere of political correctness, Carlin is not hesitant to tackle contentious issues such as these:

  • When it comes to the media, Carlin says, “It’s a mix of business and politics
  • Advertising
  • Public relations
  • And the entertainment industry.” This is a good mix. There’s enough bull in Texas to start a network of branch offices, and On the struggle of the sexes, Carlin says: Here’s all you need to know about males and females: Women are insane, and men are oblivious. And the most important reason why women are insane is because men are stupid
  • Carlin has something to say about hygiene: When did they enact a legislation mandating that the individuals who prepare my sandwich do it with protective gloves on? This is something I’m not comfortable with. There should be no glove residue on my meal
  • This is unsanitary. Who knows where these gloves have been hiding all these time
  • Carlin’s take on evasive language is as follows: To give you an idea of how far the use of euphemisms in language has progressed, some psychologists are now referring to persons who are physically unattractive as having “severe appearance deficiencies.” Greetings, Doctor. What do you think of that for “denial”? Regarding politics, Carlin stated that no self-respecting politician would ever acknowledge to having a government job. They like to conceive of themselves as “serving the nation,” rather than as individuals. You might want to image the activities that take place on a stud farm in order to better understand the service they bring to the country.

Carlin, the comic for the thinking person who wields words as weapons, gives voice to subjects that are now capturing the public’s mind. For example, what is the significance of the Ten Commandments? Is it true that UFOs exist? What will life be like in the actual world in the future? This brand-new anthology addresses all of these issues and more. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? is a question that has been asked many times. In his razor-sharp remarks, Carlin demolishes common ideals and leaves you laughing aloud—exactly what his many admirers have been waiting for.

Amazon.com: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? (Audible Audio Edition): George Carlin, George Carlin, Hyperion AudioBooks: Books

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? is George Carlin’s third audiobook, and the follow-up to his two New York Times best-selling books, Brain Droppings and Napalm Silly Putty. It is a raucous voyage inside the mind of one of America’s finest comedic commentators. The legendary irreverence and iconoclasm of George Carlin are on full display in this collection, which includes material ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach;TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty;Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk;Social Cliches; 13 Sections of Euphemisms) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, He also has a lighthearted side:

  • Knowing the type of guy you never see anymore is essential. A jerk
  • “Always make an effort not to get murdered.” is a wonderful slogan to live by. Until now, I’ve never seen a homeless man with a bottle of Gatorade in his possession. The fact that a lot of homosexual guys remain in the closet is due to their passion in fashion. I have a personal trainer who is an animal. Our first meeting is in the gym, where we don’t speak, he works out alone, and I go home
  • Here’s something you won’t be able to accomplish by yourself: Shaking hands is something you should become used to. When it comes to the existence of God, I’m neither an atheist nor an agnostic
  • Instead, I’m a believer. My name is an acrostic. I’m perplexed by the entire situation
  • It’s a good day for older citizens: Death is on the horizon
  • O.J. Simpson has already got the ultimate punishment: he was sentenced to death. He will be forced to mingle with golfers for the rest of his life.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? (Reprint) (Paperback) by George Carlin

Dimensions (inches):8.1 inches (height) x 6.08 inches (width) x.77 inches (depth) (D) Age Recommendation: 22 Years and Up Hachette Books is the publisher, and the street date is October 1, 2005. Item Number (DPCI): 059-04-0286 Description: Origin: Made in the United States of America or imported

Description

In this paperback edition of the “New York Times” bestseller, readers will go on a raucous voyage inside the mind of one of America’s most celebrated cartoonists. Synopsis of the book The New York Timesbestseller that takes readers on a hilarious voyage within the mind of one of America’s finest comics creators is now available in paperback. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? is a comedy special that features George Carlin’s trademark irreverence and iconoclasm to the fullest extent. While searching fruitlessly throughout the American landscape for evidence of intelligence in his third national bestseller, he comes up empty-handed.

And the most important reason why women are insane is because males are stupid.

He has also released twenty-three comedy albums, appeared in sixteen feature films, written and performed in fourteen HBO specials, received four Grammy Awards, and has been nominated for five Emmy Awards.

In 2008, he was awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, which he received in recognition of his achievements. He passed away in 2008. If any of the above-mentioned item specifics are incorrect or incomplete, please let us know.

Guest RatingsReviews

We discovered a total of 0 reviews that were relevant. Prices, promotions, styles, and availability may differ from shop to store on the internet. See our price match promise for more information. A shop has been selected for you.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

2004Comedy Concepts, Inc. retains ownership of all intellectual property rights. The ISBN for this book is 1-4013-0134-7.

Chapter One

WHY AM I A Contemporary MANI’m a modern guy who is digital and smoke-free; a man who is fit for the millenium. I am a diverse, multi-cultural, post-modern deconstructivist who is also politically incorrect, anatomically inaccurate, and environmentally incorrect. I’ve been uplinked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, and I’ve been uplinked and downloaded again. I understand the advantages of reducing and the disadvantages of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life with a bad attitude.

  1. I’m new-wave, but I’m also old-school, and my inner kid has an outward-bound attitude toward the world.
  2. I communicate with my database, which is located in cyberspace; as a result, I am interactive, energetic, and, on sometimes, radioactive, depending on the situation.
  3. I’m on target, on task, on message, and I’m not on any narcotics anymore.
  4. I’m at the moment, on the verge of something great, yet I’m staying under the radar.
  5. A street-savvy smart bomb, to be precise.
  6. I wear power ties, tell power lies, take power naps, and do victory laps to demonstrate my dominance.
  7. A rageaholic at work, a functioning rageaholic at work: fresh out of treatment and still in denial.
See also:  Who Wrote What A Friend We Have In Jesus

You won’t be able to silence me, and you won’t be able to dumb me down because I’m relentless and mobile.

A non-believer, an overachiever, and a laid-back and fashion-forward individual, I am myself.

Metric-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, quick-acting, oven-ready, and made to last, I am all you could want.

My emotions are strong; I’m caring; I’m healing; I’m expressing.

My production has decreased, but my revenue has increased.

I read junk mail, I consume junk food, I invest in garbage bonds, and I enjoy watching trash sports on television.

My favorite kind of sex is harsh sex, and I enjoy severe love.

The software on my hard disk, meanwhile, is hard-core, with no soft porn.

I purchased a minivan from a big-box retailer.

I’m toll-free, bite-size, ready-to-wear, and I’m available in a variety of colors and sizes.

The ingredients in this product have already been washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, and vacuum-packed before they reach you.

I have a limitless amount of bandwidth available to me.

This is a lean and mean operation.

Moving and drivin’, sailing and spinnin’; jivin’ and groovin’, wailin’ and winnin’; drivin’ and movin’, sailing and spinnin’ I don’t snooze, so I don’t have to worry about losing.

Lunchtime is a critical time for me since I’ve been partying hard.

It’s time to go.

Not all euphemisms are the same, yet they all have one thing in common: they are all euphemisms.

They do, however, exist for a variety of reasons.

For example, the phrases “white meat,” “black meat,” and “drumstick” came into usage because people in Victorian times were uncomfortable with the idea of referring to particular human parts.

It would’ve made them feel uncomfortable in any case.

Evenstomach, on the other hand, sounded too personal, so they started sayingtummy.

When I was nine years old, I became aware of the existence of euphemisms.

When my mother pointed out that Lil didn’t have a mole, she was eager to point out that she had a “beauty mark.” That perplexed me since, based on Lil’s appearance, the beauty mark didn’t appear to be functioning.

As a result, on that particular day, I noticed that what looked to be moles on some persons were actually beauty marks.

By the way, the entire beauty-mark panic was such a success that some women began routinely using eyebrow pencils to apply phony beauty marks—a “fake mole” being something no self-respecting woman would ever consider doing to themselves.

After all this time had passed since the Aunt Lil event, I just recently found solace in the fact that some people seemed to think my unsightly pimples were nothing more than minor skin imperfections.

Because nonprofit sounded too much like someone who didn’t know what they were doing, nonprofit was renamed to not-for-profit organization.

However, some of the terms that are euphemized aren’t even remotely bad; rather, they’re only regarded to be overly commonplace.

The phrase “Are the newspapers complimentary?” is more dignified than the phrase “Are the newspapers complimentary?” when asking the hotel clerk if the newspapers are free.

For those who would want to take a deeper look at euphemisms, there are several parts in the book that will pique your curiosity.

And I’ve dubbed it “The New Language” since it’s obviously unfamiliar to me; I’m quite aware that I didn’t grow up speaking it.

The problem began to escalate when I began to hear regular people refer to thoughts as concepts, which I believe were the first indicators of a developing problem.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BY STIFF UPPER LIP?

One is a British Airways plane full with staid English diplomats and upper-class landed gentry, while the other is a private jet operated by a private company.

Which jet, do you think, will have the louder screams and the most colorful prayer, cursing, and blasphemy as the two planes descend toward certain destruction?

It isn’t the plane from the United Kingdom.

Does it seem like your eyes are dry and itchy?

Don’t take a chance on anything.

Call immediately.

Then, for thirty to forty minutes, aim the boiling hot steam into your eyes until they are watering.

Repetition of these steps seven times followed by a five-minute break Using this product more than fifteen times in a 24-hour period is not recommended.

Tie the pet to a chair before blasting it with the abrasive material.

Doctors have given their approval, but not eye doctors.

PLEASE GIVE ME MY PURSE.

If one of the two men is knocked down and beaten into a mental state that is only partially blank and helpless, the other is forced to stand aside and the contest is temporarily halted, while the damaged man regains just enough strength to stand up and continue the beating-to the point where he is once again lying on the floor, this time completely immobile and functionless.

  1. DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR UNTOLD UNCLE JOHN?
  2. My name is Uncle John.
  3. Do you recall your Uncle John, or do you have trouble remembering him?
  4. Wasn’t it a lot of fun?
  5. We also talked about how we hid in the sewer and how Uncle John ended up covered in feces?
  6. Do you recall what happened?
  7. As a result, sparks began to shoot from the jukebox, and a fire was sparked?

Do you remember what I’m talking about?

And what about the ambulances?

And do you recall what happened the other time?

What happened when the lion went out and ate a monkey?

Is it really necessary to kill the lion?

Wasn’t it a lot of fun?

And all of the other trapeze artists were depressed, to the point that they had to be killed as well?

Wasn’t it a lot of fun?

Please don’t shed any tears.

Isn’t that something to look forward to?

You should know that they have horses and cows as well.

Alternatively, a cow.

Isn’t that something to look forward to?

Do you remember the day you were thrown out of my car?

Do you remember that?

Was it necessary for the doctor to put your skull back together with a large needle?

Do you want to come out on my boat with me?

Have you fallen asleep yet?

Please, don’t cry any more.

My fellow citizens, I address you as co-equals, knowing that you are deserving of the full and unvarnished truth.

See also:  Who Played Jesus In The Walking Dead

At that specific point in time, I was suffering from a severe despair and making blunders in my reasoning that appeared to be jeopardizing my future ambitions.

I was in desperate need of a fresh start, so I decided to make a social visit to a close acquaintance with whom I share same goals and who happens to be one of the most interesting people I have ever encountered.

In response to my repeated insistence that I needed a fresh start, she agreed that I was correct, and she went on to provide a final solution that was completely wonderful.

What a brilliant piece of ingenuity!

Right away, I noticed a significant improvement in my condition.

THE MAN WITH THE CONTROL FREAK SHello.

We are the ones who make the decisions that have an impact on all of you.

You fools will have to suffer.

In your opinion, what purpose do the cameras serve?

The Social Security numbers, what about them?

And it is not possible to change it.

Because we have complete control over your lives.

Go back to your bed.

This is especially true given the fact that the latter belief pertains to the entire Jesus-Messiah-Son-of-God fairytale.

This is an attempt to belittle and marginalize them by relegating them to the status of hobbyists and ordinary enthusiasts.

Those who believe in an everlasting, all-powerful being, a being that demands to be loved and cherished unconditionally and who punishes and rewards people according to his whims, on the other hand, are considered to be honorable, upright, and credible individuals.

Continues.

byGEORGE CARLIN is an excerpt from the book.

owns the copyright to this work.

All intellectual property rights are retained.

The publisher has granted permission for this excerpt to be reproduced or reprinted in its entirety without written permission from the author. Unless otherwise specified, excerpts from this website are offered purely for the personal use of users to this website by Dial-A-Book Inc.

When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops? 140130821x

Synopsys Now in paperback, theNew York Timesbestseller that takes readers on a riotous journey through the mind of one of America’s premier comicsGeorge Carlin’s legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display inWhen Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence in his third national bestseller. Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Clichés; Euphemisms: 13 sections) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin delivers everything that his fans expect, and then adds a few surprises.Carlin on the battle of the sexes:Here’s all you have to know about men and women:Women are crazy, men are stupid.And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.George Carlin, author of three bestsellers, has released 18 comedy albums; appeared in 11 feature films; written and performed 12 HBO comedy specials; and received four Grammy awards, six Cable Ace awards, and been nominated for four Emmys. In 2000, he was honored for Lifetime Achievement by the American Comedy Awards. He lives in Nevada and keeps an eye on things.

Publishers Weekly

There’s no better way to enjoy one of Carlin’s books than to hear him read it himself. With his gravelly voice, Carlin sounds like a foul-mouthed, grumpy grandfather as he riffs on everything from politics and the improper use of language to plane-boarding etiquette and the differences between the sexes. He’s alternately crude (Every evening at seven-thirty, citizens and consumers get a chance to sound off and air their complaints. Don’t miss Blow It Out Your Ass!.) and outrageously funny (such as when he compares people of faith to UFO believers), and he’s always irreverent (A children’s museum sounds like a good idea, but I would imagine it’s not very easy to breathe inside the little glass cases). The one topic that gets under his skin is euphemisms and, related to that, political correctness: I can remember when I was young that poor people lived in slums. Not anymore. These days, the economically disadvantaged occupy substandard housing in the inner cities. It’s so much nicer for them. Needless to say, Carlin has his comic timing down pat. His energetic reading is punctuated by conversational bits (Hah? Whaddya think? Maybe?) and enhanced by his deft vocal variation (such as when he’s narrating the Continuing Story of MaryJoseph), making listeners will feel as if they’ve got a front-row seat at one of his comedy shows. Simultaneous release with the Hyperion hardcover (Forecasts, Sept. 20). (Oct.) Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.
Overview Now in paperback, theNew York Timesbestseller that takes readers on a riotous journey through the mind of one of America’s premier comics George Carlin’s legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display inWhen Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chopsas he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence in his third national bestseller. Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Clichs; Euphemisms: 13 sections) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin delivers everything that his fans expect, and then adds a few surprises.Carlin on the battle of the sexes:Here’s all you have to know about men and women:Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Dimensions Height: 9 Inches, Length: 6 Inches, Weight: 0.69666074792 Pounds, Width: 0.8 Inches Title When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

George Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, in the Bronx, New York, and became a stand-up comedian. In Louisiana, he began his radio broadcasting career when he was 19 years old at the KJOE radio station. After several television appearances, Carlin transitioned to radio and released two albums, Take-Offs and Put-Ons and FMAM, the latter of which received a Grammy Award and was the first of four consecutive albums to achieve gold status. One of his most well-known acts was Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television, which was one of his most well-known routines.

Carlin has also written three novels and has featured on television and in films, among other things.

In 2002, Carlin was honored with the Freedom of Expression Award by the First Amendment Center in collaboration with the United States Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, Colorado, and he was named the 11th recipient of the Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in June of that year.

George Carlin died on June 22, 2008, in Santa Monica, California, at the age of 71.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? – 9781401301347

Following closely on the heels of George Carlin’s1 Best-selling author in the New York Times It’s the Year of the NapalmIt’s the Year of the Silly PuttyWhen Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?-all flavored with Carlin’s characteristic irreverent comedy and incisive cultural insights. We’re back at it again. With When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, George Carlin gives his cutting-edge ideas and observational comedy on everything from deceptive euphemism language to politicians, the media, and even dead people in his funny book.

Despite the present atmosphere of political correctness, Carlin is not hesitant to tackle contentious issues such as these:

  • When it comes to the media, Carlin says, “It’s a mix of business and politics
  • Advertising
  • Public relations
  • And the entertainment industry.” This is a good mix. There’s enough bull in Texas to start a network of branch offices, and On the struggle of the sexes, Carlin says: Here’s all you need to know about males and females: Women are insane, and men are oblivious. And the most important reason why women are insane is because men are stupid
  • Carlin has something to say about hygiene: When did they enact a legislation mandating that the individuals who prepare my sandwich do it with protective gloves on? This is something I’m not comfortable with. There should be no glove residue on my meal
  • This is unsanitary. Who knows where these gloves have been hiding all these time
  • Carlin’s take on evasive language is as follows: To give you an idea of how far the use of euphemisms in language has progressed, some psychologists are now referring to persons who are physically unattractive as having “severe appearance deficiencies.” Greetings, Doctor. What do you think of that for “denial”? Regarding politics, Carlin stated that no self-respecting politician would ever acknowledge to having a government job. They like to conceive of themselves as “serving the nation,” rather than as individuals. You might want to image the activities that take place on a stud farm in order to better understand the service they bring to the country.

Carlin, the comic for the thinking person who wields words as weapons, gives voice to subjects that are now capturing the public’s mind. For example, what is the significance of the Ten Commandments? Is it true that UFOs exist? What will life be like in the actual world in the future? This brand-new anthology addresses all of these issues and more. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? is a question that has been asked many times. In his razor-sharp remarks, Carlin demolishes common ideals and leaves you laughing aloud—exactly what his many admirers have been waiting for.

We require a minimum order quantity of 25 copies for all orders.

There is also the option of expedited shipment.

books online, we specialize in big volumes and give personal service from individuals who are trustworthy, experienced, and friendly from our headquarters in Portland and the surrounding areas.

You prefer to work with a live person when you order large quantities of When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? books. Our Book Specialists are available Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. PST, to assist you!

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? by George Carlin (2004, Hardcover) for sale online

The consummate thinkers’ comedian, George Carlin takes everyday nomenclature, situations, idioms, political correctness, names, surnames, race, religion, sex, oddities, weird observations, crime, deviants, bodily functions, sores, scabs, lice, the animal kingdom, Presidents, war, laughter, snot, bad words, the Federal Communications Commission, the IRS, the FBI, the CIA, the boredom of golf, homelessness, world When it comes to making amusing remarks, George Carlin has the upper hand.

I now own all of his published works as a result of this purchase.

BookSmartCharlie, you have my signature!

Carlin not at his best in this one

I am a tremendous fan of George and his content, both written and live, and I think he is brilliant. However, I have to admit that this book did not live up to his previous two, which I feel were very witty and raw—two characteristics that helped him stand out during the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s—and I believe this book did not. Some of the content you’ll discover in this book is undeniably amusing, but I have the impression that it was leftover material from his earlier work. I’m not saying don’t buy—just don’t be surprised if they aren’t as amusing as his past work, which isn’t much.

His laugh is, at best, a giggle at times; nevertheless, I’m used to breaking out in fits of laughter, which isn’t the case in this situation.

Carlin’s Irreverent, Literate, Humor Is Ginsu Sharp

In the words of Mark Twain, “The hidden source of humor itself is not joy, but pain,” and George Carlin shows Twain’s thesis by analyzing where difficulty comes from and why the world is such a bad place in his trademark style. While most comedians attempt to skewer their targets with ice pick wit, Carlin employs a meat ax. Through the use of a straightforward manner, Carlin walks his readers through the murky realm of language, which is a far worse joke than anything he could think up himself.

Carlin enjoys writing about insurrections, stupidities, political crises, civil upheavals, and other acts of human foolishness for the sheer enjoyment of writing about them.

While his audacious, irreverent comedy is not for the faint of heart, it is a feast for the adventurous and adventurous at heart.

Nice read

George Carlin’s creative, eccentric imagination shows through in this performance. If you enjoy delving into the fundamentals of language and human mind, this is the book you should read. It was his method of narrating stories that, when you finished listening to him, you said to yourself, “I knew that, but he says it funnier.” I’m recommending this book to others so that they, too, may have a good chuckle while thinking a bit more deeply.

5 stars out of 5 for this product sbyasordia 12th of September, 2006

EXTREMELY FUNNY FROM AN EXTREMLY FUNNY MAN!

This book, in my honest opinion, is Carlin’s greatest work to this point. I’ve read all of George’s novels and think he’s not only funny, but also a genuine creative genius who deserves to be recognized. From the beginning to the end, it was just hilarious! This book is a journey into the depths of Carlin’s mind, which is truly one-of-a-kind in the world! Outrageous, insane, obnoxious, obscene, rediculous, and very amusing all at the same time! This is George Carlin at his very finest! After reading this book, you will most likely become a fan of the author.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.